On February 27, 2000, "SoulMates" Mark and Carol were first interviewed by BabyDoll in a piece called Forever SoulMates. Since that interview, a lot has changed with the SoulMates. Not their deep feelings for each other, which are as strong as ever, but with their everyday priorities and most importantly, providing care for Carol's parents, ages 78 and 80. Mark said, "I will paint a picture in your minds of love and caring for a couple unable to care for themselves, who now have that care, not from a distance, but within the same domicile!"

The story begins on July 23,2000 in Grosse Ile, Michigan, where Mark and Carol lived. Events this day changed their lives and priorities. Mark relayed that shortly after arriving at work, Carol received a phone call from her sister in New York and explained that her father's stomach had filled with fluid and that the doctors in New York thought it might be his spleen. Mark said, "With the clothes on her back, (no suitcase or toothbrush), Carol flew to NY to offer her assistance. She found his condition critical and arranged an appointment at the Mayo Clinic the very next day. Carol stayed with her mother, as Ann Marie, her sister, accompanied their father to Rochester, Minnesota, the following morning. Within a few days of testing, they discovered he had liver disease that was progressive but their goal was to stabilize him first. He was told that in three weeks, he would not have been a member of society if he hadn't sought proper treatment or received an accurate diagnosis. It took nearly six weeks to stabilize his condition, then they released him to go home."

During this entire time, Carol received "Family Leave" from Northwest Airlines, and cared for her fragile mother who was terrified of losing her endearing husband, Henry. "Recovery and stabilization took nearly three months as Carol's dad became a bit stronger. But now a decision needed to be made as to who would take care of them if Carol returned to Michigan and to work. We decided to transfer to LaGuardia, move in with them and provide full time care. I handled the move from our condo in Michigan and on October 24th, Carol returned to work at LaGuardia airport with her transfer documents in hand. My transfer followed shortly thereafter," Mark said.

It was not until November 11, 2000, that Mark was also working at LaGuardia airport! This was a selfless choice they made for the love of Carol's parents. Mark said, "The choice was made and now it was up to us to carry through in our daily assistance with their care and needs."

Mark forgot to mention that on August 28th, his father passed away from heart disease at the age of 80. Mark's focus was divided between trips to Milwaukee and jaunts to NY every other week! This was a challenging course for him to undertake, but he did it with unselfish love!

As to Carol's parents, this was their choice to move and help their loved ones and tend to their wants and needs. "Now that you know what precipitated our CHOICE, we will tell you our observations from the point-of-view of Carol's parents, the changes that occur for the caregiver (Mark and Carol), the caregivers ultimate task and responsibility, the wonderful REWARD of giving oneself and seeing happiness and progress, and the result that is reflected in their eyes and the smile of appreciation that emulates their well being," Mark said.

There is give and take on both sides as Mark and Carol share their thoughts on this. "Being cared for, especially at an elderly age, cannot be easy and only after being involved as a care-giver can you fully understand. The loss of one's freedom to do what you used to do, such as simple tasks like driving a car, going to the store, doing the laundry, or fixing a meal."

This is beyond what society can comprehend until they are at that age of dependence. Even this writer's father is in a "home" as his needs are monumental and beyond the care his children could provide. It tears at our hearts and at his heart. So even I, the writer, can comprehend these inevitable changes in life's cycles!

"You can imagine losing that control of one's life and allowing another to make decisions or at least assist in decision making must be difficult. To lose your mobility and movement when, not so long ago you moved about more quickly without the use of a walker and trips to the basement are no longer a thought. From their lips, they have expressed a sense of helplessness and a deep feeling of guilt that they have changed our lives and have prevented us from doing 'our own thing.' But the prominent observation, and probably the most rewarding one, involves their sincere appreciation and thankfulness for being cared for by someone who loves them and wouldn't have it any other way," Mark said.

Once you find yourself or your spouse in this role, being a caregiver affects your family's lives, for good or for bad. The choice is yours. It can be a rewarding but demanding experience. It challenges your strengths and pushes you to your limits. It is amazing that you may discover you can do this. For some, there is no decision as they do not hesitate to offer up rewards to the parents for the taking. For others, a challenge. And as Mark states, "For each, it will be different, for us the following changes occurred:

1. We moved and returned back home. You might say a full cycle...360 degrees;

2. A constant vigil initially over their needs, but now the vigil is not as restrictive;

3. Caring for a family of four vs. a family of two, (not counting our four children ages 21,23,26, & 27. all on their own but within shouting distance);

4. Serving healthy meals vs. fast-food junk;

5. The loss of free time but now better managed;

6. Being unable to do what you want to do, when you want to as more of a routine prevails and less flexibility is afforded;

7. The energies that are expended and the sacrifices one must accept;

8. The opportunity to give back a piece of you that our parents once gave to us;

9. The reward of seeing progress and a sense of well-being of helping loved ones through a crisis and making their daily lives just a little better;

10. A sense of relief that your efforts are not in vain but brings about a comfort of love and caring when needed the most!"

Mark relayed that the tasks and responsibilities of a caregiver appear to be and are enormous but the rewards far outweigh any drawbacks. "To see their eyes when you watch a heartwarming movie or when you perform a task for them that brings delight and joy, what more can you ask?"

This has been a most enduring and endearing turn in Mark and Carol's lives. "Since being here, Carol's dad has progressed very well. He still has the liver disease but Indian Summer is here for now, and we thank God for giving us more time to share our lives with them and to assist with their needs. Carol's mom, because of her husbands health problem, had lost a great deal of weight and was down to 70 lbs., but we can now proclaim she's up to 82 lbs. and her eating habits are changing for the better each day.

This foray into life's inevitable cycle has affected them and now priorities have changed. "Our SoulMates Playground used to take up much of our free time, but now being back online, after being offline for months, can't be a primary focus any longer. It doesn't mean we're giving up WebTV, it only means that the time spent online will now be shorter but hopefully more productive.

I'd like to thank Catherine from Net4TV for this opportunity to share with you, our WebTV community, and anyone who ventures into Net4TV and views this article with the hopes that this insight may assist you when you're faced with 'Care Giving.' The CHOICE is yours!"

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[Community Editor's Notes: Mark and Carol, the staff at Net4TV want to thank you for taking this special time to share your story with the readers. This change in your lives took courage and unquestionable selfless love to care for two special people - Carol's parents!--ck]